Fourth Form of Madness

For a long time I have been in love with the sunrise.  There is nothing like being there and present when the new day breaks.  Often I practice early in the morning.  At first this was so I could fit in a daily practice in my usually busy and scheduled day.  It wasn’t long before I fell in love with special time of day and even when I wake and my warm bed tries to lure me with the promise of extra hours of slumber, I remember the beauty of the still, often crisp morning with the sounds of birds singing for their many gods.  It is not hard then to rise, to step on my mat and fall into the mornings sacred silent that is pregnant with all the mysteries of life.

I’ve admired sunsets but never really found myself with much time to sit in their beauty and magic.  That was until recently on a holiday to Fiji.  At the place we were staying, high above on the tallest hill was a beautiful bar that had panoramic windows.  To get to the bar, you had to take a golf cart up the windy road to the top.  From there you had to climb a set of stairs until you were closer to the sky.  The first time my husband and I went to the bar to watch the sunset we thought it was going to be full with people and that we might be lucky to get a seat at one of the windows with her beautiful panoramic views to the ocean and the sky.  We were wrong.

There was one other couple there, already seated in the best window seat right in front of the sun setting.  My husband and I were stunned.  We were sure that this would be packed for the majestic show that nature then proceeded to unfold in front of our eyes.  All the colours in the spectrum danced before our eyes and hearts and the silence and the reverie of the beauty in front of us, was more spiritual than most places I have been.

The second time we went to view the sunset on our visit, we got there a little earlier.  We secured the sunset viewing seat.  It wasn’t hard.  We were the only ones in the bar.  Again we were stunned at to why it was so empty?  Here I would like to digress just a little.  A long time ago, I sat down next to a random gentleman on a train journey home one night.  He was of Spanish decent and we quite naturally struck up a deeply philosophical conversation about whether people were innately good or whether they learnt to be good (or bad).  He argued that people were innately good and I argued that we learned either to be good or bad.

I always think back to that conversation as it now seems odd to me that such a conversation was had on a train, usually they are somber, closed off and isolated places and this conversation was a lively, connected exchange.  We both enjoyed the exchange of the ideas and I appreciated many points of his argument. Secretly I think my heart wanted with all it’s might to believe what he was saying but my stubborn, book learning brain wouldn’t concede defeat at this point.  When he got off at his stop, he thanked me for the conversation and for the first time introduced himself.  His name was Spanish and a name I had never heard and when I asked him what it meant he replied “It means where the sky meets the sea”.  I loved this meaning.  Then he turned to leave the train but not before imparting a departing closing statement.  “How do you know that we aren’t all innately good and that whatever we learn is just further layers on top that cloud or highlight that goodness?”.  The truth was I could never truly know that through the intellectual vehicle I was using to argue with.

Back in front of that window in Fiji that second night at the bar, in the majestic silence surrounding us and the orange glow enveloping us in her soft and constant love.  I stood up so that I could see every glorious part of the magnificent sunset that unfolded in front of me.  The sky was on fire with the suns closing glory, the water was blue and deep and her waves softly lapped the shores with a reassuring rhythm of life.  Wispy, long fingers of the billowy, soft orange clouds started to slowly make their way down to touch the ocean until it seemed like the sky and ocean were truly connected, not just at the horizon but other places as well.  There as I stood being bathed in absolute beauty, I remembered the words that my Spanish train buddy spoke that night as he departed and I simply understood on a really deep level that we were all innately good.  It was then that I realised my face was soaked in silent tears. Big salty tears of release and surrender.  But a big dopey smile was also all over my face as I grinned with a tear soaked face into the undeniable, heartbreaking beauty that we all innately are.

So I am travelling at the moment.  At present I am sitting in an airport lounge watching the world around me.  Travel often involves many periods of waiting and I always find these some of my favourite times to sit back and observe.  I remember when I was in my final year of high school and the career guidance officer asked me what I wanted to do with my life.  I replied “I want to people watch and learn from their patterned interactions and behaviours”.  He said there was no such job and said perhaps I would prefer teaching.  I found out years later I should have gone to a different guidance counsellor.  I also found out sociology filled my original 17 year old desire to people watch quite nicely.

On the surface, we all look so different.  We speak different languages, hold different beliefs and values, grow up in different countries with different cultural and moral preferences.  But internally, we share a very similar landscape.  We feel emotions.  We will all at one point feel joy and love,  we will all at one point feel sorrow and grief.  We can’t be sure they will be of the same measure or for the same reasons.  But we all share this common language of emotion and we are all joined by this common experience.

We know if we suffer a loss, we will grieve.  We know we will feel fear if we push beyond our comforts zones and we know the sheer exhilaration and happiness we will experience should we let ourselves step beyond where we imaged we could. We may not have the exact same life experiences but we will, by the end of our lives, have shared most, if not all, of the major emotions that this life brings.  This is our common experience, these are the links in the chain that entwine us all in this bundle of humanity.

These emotions are gifts.  They are all chances to step closer to life and feel the beauty contained in every atom, in every particle of this existence.   They are all a window into living, of being human.  And in their way, they are all chances to understand yourself, and others better.  They can sometimes in their extreme states render new ways of seeing the mundane and every day.  Who hasn’t felt the raw beauty of living after experiencing a loss of a loved one.  Who hasn’t felt the world become so heart breaking beautiful after deep period of sadness?

Perhaps one of the most valuable jewels that emotions bestows on us is the ability to be empathetic.  I believe there is a link between being able to sit with your emotions and be willing to see them through with honest, brave, open eyes and a heart, that teases out of us an ability to be empathic to others.  Even if I can not understand the logic that you have used to arrive at your position in life, belief or value or whatever it is, I can understand the emotions you might be feelings as you travel through life and it is this emotional understanding and commonality that can allow a deep empathetic response.  And why wouldn’t we want to encourage this beautiful, life embellishing empathetic link when at the end of it’s rainbow, is the real pot of gold, the real jewel.  Compassion.  Indeed a beautiful shimmering beauty that is all our birthrights.

So next time when confronted with an emotional response in your being.  Sit with it.  Invite it to stay with you for a while.  Treat it like a good friend who is about to whisper to you some very wise words of wisdom.  Lend it your ear and let it fore fill it’s duty of linking you to all the beauty this life has to offer.