Fourth Form of Madness

So we come to our last full day in New York.   We decide to go to the iconic Coney Island known for it’s amusement parks, famous food treats and boardwalk.  The day is bitterly cold as we walk along in our thin hoodies from home that were not built to withstand such winds.  We grin, shiver and gaze at the numerous stomach churning, knuckle whitening amusement rides all around us.  Both of us agreeing that after eating was not the time to venture forth onto these rides.

So we sit, both looking out over the bleak, grey, cold water under the beautiful big blue sky.  The beach is closed to swimming due to the coolish temperature.  There are a handful of rugged up people walking along the beach sand searching for shells and making castles.  And then I see it.  At first I think I am seeing things and that the cold has frozen a vital part of my brain needed for clear perception.  A deer.  A beautiful elegant, golden coloured deer on the beach.

People run towards the deer, excited and confused to see a deer in this environment and out in the public.  The deer is frightened. Even from my seated position on the boardwalk, I can see the poor animal looking for an escape route, away from the unknown two legged noisy animals all around it.  It heads for the water and starts swimming.  I feel panic in my stomach and fear in my heart.  Deers are good swimmers but not in that cold water.

A helicopter appears and starts to try to steer the deer into rocks that would eventually guide it into the shore.  But the deer now in sheer, blind panic and operating totally in flight and fight is having none of this and climbs onto the rocks and jumps over them into the open sea on the other side.  My heart literally breaks.  This action by the deer made from a place of sheer panic and adrenaline has sealed it’s watery fate.

We all sat, spectators to a harsh, gruesome show that life sometime is and there was nothing that anyone of us could do to stop the outcome.  I would have loved to get up and walk away and distract myself with the controlled amusement going on behind me. But that would not have changed anything and I felt I owed it to the deer to stay with it to the tragic end even though I wanted to deny what was happening and I wanted to desperately change it.

The helicopter kept hovering above the deer as it swam further and further out to sea.  A coast guard boat appeared on the horizon and there were moments of hope.  But this was not a scripted tv show, this was unpredictable and often brutal and unfair life. After some time, the helicopter turned and flew away and the coast guard boat just kept on going.  There was no rescue.  And all around people turned their backs to the ocean and walked back to the various amusement parks for some more controlled fear.

My husband and I remained, looking out to the watery grave of the innocent deer.  Big, salty, silent tears rolling down my face.  I didn’t want to move.  I didn’t want to feel better.  I just wanted to feel all that this moment held even though it would never had been my choice for my last day in New York.  I owed it to the deer.

Where did this deer come from? What was it doing on the beach?  Why was it here?  All these very familiar philosophical life questions that could apply to anyone of us didn’t seem to matter to me so much.  What struck me and broke my heart the most was the fear that the deer ended it’s life in.  The fear that caused it to act in a detrimental way to it’s own health. The fear that led it to it’s death even though there were a multitude of life affirming choices available to it.

I felt a deep empathic connection to the deer.  We all feel fear, we all let ourselves get led around by it at some point in our life and we all let it blind us to the life affirming choices that are available to us in each and every moment.  We will never not feel fear.  We will if we are lucky practice and learn to make good life affirming choices even in our biggest moments of fear. We can learn to pause, breath, and to use our ethical teachings to guide us to a sounder decision than our autonomic fight and flight response.  But this takes practice and lots and lots of it.  This is the best and only option available to us in this uncontrollable fun fair called life.

I said a silent little prayer to the deer out to the ocean and the big blue sky.  Then I dried my face with the back of my sleeve, took my husbands hand and disappeared into the crowd on the boardwalk.

Travelling is all about expanding yourself.  It often reminds us constantly to let go and accept what comes your way as you embrace and celebrate different ways of doing things and different ways of seeing the world.  One of the most valuable qualities I believe travel promotes in us is a realisation that we rely on a good many people to exist and operate in this world and that at some point we need to trust in others to make the world work.  Of course, if you have watched any of the Wolf Creek movies this may be a lot harder for you.

Right from the start you are deeply emerged in a world of trust.  From the moment you park your car at the airport or take a cab (see I’m getting very American these days)  – you are relying on others. You are relying on the airport carpark attendants to look after your car or on the cab driver to get you to departure on time and in one piece.  You board the plane, you are reply on the pilot and the cabin crew to take care of you and to get you to your destination in one piece and for your fellow travellers to leave at least a cm of overhead luggage space for you to store the 30 kgs of items that you couldn’t  fit into your suitcase that you have managed to smuggle past the ground crew.  Then you rely on your fellow travel buddies to not steal your inflight pillow or blanket, not to snore, not to talk incessantly about the latest series of The Bachelor and to flush the plane toilet properly so at 3am somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean you are not greeted with a sight and smell that will have you in counselling for the next 12 months.

When you land you are then greeted with a barrage of would be supposedly easy normal everyday actives that have somehow gotten a whole lot more difficult in the last 24 hrs.  Take ordering breakfast in the USA, a fairly ordinary task.  Suddenly I am lost in a world of a waitress reciting my 20 choices of how to have my eggs – none of which I understand. I feel like I am at Subway where every usual mundane item you order now comes with 20 life changing decisions for you to make.  I have to rely on her recommendation for just about everything I eat.  As a side note, I would like to thank all the waitresses and waiters I must have already annoyed in the States.  You are amazing and deserve big tips for all your hard work and hospitality.  How you can keep smiling and laughing when I ask for the 5th time to go through my list of choices is beyond me.

Then there is the mammoth leap of faith in your fellow human beings that is required when you arrive at one of the USA intersections that has a four way stop sign.  Yes you heard me a four way stop sign – let me break that down for my Aussie peeps.  Each side of the intersection has a stop sign.  This means that you need to be aware of who got to their stop sign first as they have the right of way to go (umm if I have this wrong you can just imagine the mayhem hubby and I have been causing on the roads over here so far).  From what I have observed up to this point, this creates a somewhat total state of confusion in all drivers involved and pretty much everyone just stops and is unsure of who is going to go first.  If driving on the wrong side of the road wasn’t challenging enough and remembering to get into the correct side of the car – there is now the four way stop sign just to keep things fresh.

Then there is the everyday interaction with the locals that builds on your ability to trust each other and with the Americans you are in really good hands.  I have been to the States three times now.  To Washington and Virginia when I was 21, to Houston only a few years back and now this time where we have already driven (perhaps causing a wave of mayhem in our trail) through California, Nevada and Arizona.  In all these States I have found the same thing.  Americans are really friendly and helpful people who seem to have strong moral code.  I really love them.  I sneezed in the Bagel Cafe we went to breakfast this morning and was greeted with a “God bless you” before I had even managed to reach for a tissue.  Whilst waiting in a line that appeared to have no end at a popular buffet in Las Vegas, my husband and I were given the buffet highlights and tips from a lovely couple in front of us that had been to this buffet before.  They even wished us a happy buffet experience.  Later when I was struck mute and motionless in the midst of a thousand people and even more calories, the husband of the couple saw me and led me towards the famous crab claws and even showed me the much coveted and closely guarded secret of how to get them steamed.

The trust that travel builds in us is invaluable in a world that often presented to us as cold, hard and uncaring.   This can build fear and mistrust of our fellow human beings and really help to manifest a feeling of isolation and aloneness.  Fear and feelings of isolation and aloneness sell a lot of products and insurance policies.  We need to constantly question this belief.    In all my years of travelling all over the world I have many, many, many times had to rely on the kindness of strangers and they have not let me down.  The world is filled with kind, caring and generous people that will help you and you them.  That is how the world works best.  All in harmony and balance, each contributing your natural talents.  It’s time to review the competitive model that has silently crept into our lives and started to dominant often without our consent. It is becoming an outdated and an anti-social concept that is limiting our very existence.  Through yoga I have been lucky enough to have been told a lot of people’s life stories.  Each time I am struck by the key thing that gets most people through some really tough times.  It’s more often than not the support given by other people.  I am very encouraged by this and always deeply moved.

Nothing is more beautiful than the kindness we can show to each other, particularly to people we do not know.  This is why travel is so important, it gives us a chance to trust deeply and openly even when we might be feeling a tad exposed or vulnerable and it gives us a chance to receive and give kindness often on a daily basis.  These are great attributes to practice.  There is a real truth in one of my favourite quotes I read a long time ago and I will leave you with this now….”We are all one winged angels that must embrace each other to fly”.