Fourth Form of Madness

So I am on a five day mini break in the countryside. Okay so I did pack a lot of uni work, yoga reading and got my iPhone hooked up so I could check my emails at work but a funny thing happened, I got down here and haven’t been able to stop staring out windows at the countryside for hours on end. Even when I finally managed to pick up a uni book with all good intentions today, I must have read barely one paragraph before allowing my glaze to float out the window to the trees on the hillside. Oh well best to go with it, I get the feeling I am up for a busy period soon enough.

That’s not to say we haven’t been doing anything whilst down here, though admittedly the “anything” does seem to involve a lot of eating. The whole reason we came down here was to go to a long table lunch that my husband read about in a newsletter from one of the wineries we visited a few years back when we were in this region. It was only on the way there that I pondered “I wonder who else will be going to the long table lunch” – a valid question seems it was on a work day and in the country. It turns out the “who else” seemed to consist of those that owned planes and had flown there or at the very least owned a small country or had a link to royalty. And then there were us! Hubby looking resplendent in his freshly ironed UFC t-shirt with tattoos on full display and I looked like a walking rainbow in my new funky dress my hubby brought back from the US thrown over my somewhat crumply and dirty levis. And there was also the fact that we were the youngest there by about 20 years. To borrow from Kenny Rogers “You could have heard a pin drop…” when we got out of our car and walked up to the verandah where pre lunch drinks were being served.

Now a few months back one of my yoga teachers had given some good advice to use when walking into these very situation, put on your uddiyana bunda (kind of like body locks used to work with harnessing and dissipating energies) and come from there. Would have loved to do that but last Sunday I suffered the mother of all migraines which left me with the sorest spine and no ability to use this aid. So I used another aid to help me through this uncomfortable situation, from a teacher I met quite by chance and on the street. About six months ago I met Jane (not her real name but I haven’t asked her permission to write about her so I don’t feel comfortable using her real name). Jane is homeless and sells the big issue. Jane is also a transexual who is not afraid to make this fact known when you speak to her. She loves nail polish and pretty dresses. I don’t think I have ever had a conversation with her where she hasn’t started with a critic of my outfit. Jane is everything the social world often rejects and disowns and yet there she is living the life she wants with all the dignity and grace of a superstar!

As well as being the external optimist, Jane is also a hugger and really knows how to hug. Now I’m not a hugger, in fact, I’m pretty much a person that is terrified of human contact. I quit studying physiotherapy because I couldn’t stand to put my hands on people. So the first time Jane lays a hug on me, I tentatively hug back with all the enthusiasm of a rag doll. Jane is persistent, week after week, she hugs me until eventually, and without me knowing it, she has worn down my defences, until one morning I am hugging back, no fear of contact with other people. Jane has taught me a lot about living as you are and with dignity and I now hold her in my heart as I approach the silent and judging crowd. I feel myself relax into myself and know that I got this one all squared away inside, so the outsides influence seems to fade away in importance. And then a crazy thing happens, we go and have the most amazing time at the lunch. At the end of the day all of us on our table declare “same time next year with exactly the same people”. Its amazing how well we can all get along when we let fear and judgment drop (and in this instance I guess it was me that mostly needed to drop them :-)). I send a silent thank you to Jane and make a mental note to give her an extra big hug next time we meet.