Fourth Form of Madness

I don’t watch a lot of tv because basically I am never home or when I am I’m doing yoga or studying (yes I know I lead an exciting life!). The other day whilst I was sitting with someone who is basically bed ridden at the moment, I watched some of the tv that they were watching. The experience left me horrified, I literally started to feel knots in my stomach. Not because of the programs but because of the adverts. As we sat there, we were constantly bombarded with ads for prepaying your own funeral, life insurance, income protection insurance, this insurance and that insurance. Enough already. Life is going to happen with or without insurance. You can be insured or prepaid up to your eyeballs but Life is still going to roll on regardless finding one little area you haven’t insured. Now I understand the concept of insurance and I understand that it ensures certain lifestyles blah blah blah after loved ones die etc etc. What I guess sparked my horror was that all these companies are feeding on people’s fear, their insecurities. Isn’t it irresponsible to incite more fear in people – if it isn’t – it should be! I am sure we all realise life is already a beautiful, exhilarating, express roller coaster ride through a tunnel of obscurity that ends in precious slumber – no-one needs to add further adrenaline fuelled double loops.

Maybe it’s more about just showing up and standing by Life, no matter what. I had a guru master (my husband :-)) patiently teach me this one over many years. As far back in our relationship as I can recall, I always remember my husband saying something along the lines of “Life is mostly about showing up, over and over again”. Didn’t get it for a really long time. No indeed, at that point my life was all about running away from everything, myself, my fears tinged with being the best in whatever I did in as an antidote to my fears. No wonder I was so exhausted back then! Over the years of hearing my husband not only say this but live this, it started sinking in.

However, his saying for me was best demonstrated by his fighting. My husband has been involved in martial arts for over 20 years. When I look at this side of his life I see a true artist with his best and most beautiful creation, himself. Yogis and martial artists have a lot in common when it comes to navigating the self and I have nothing but respect for his knowledge that he shares with me (even though sometimes I am not the best listener or unlearner :-)). My husband approaches fighting like he approaches life, he shows up, no matter what. He faces his fear, takes a roll and a tumble, and win, lose or draw accepts the result. And there were long long periods of no winning. I remember these periods because I used to marvel at how he just kept going. Then I started to realise that he did because he loved it, no question of result, he just loved what he was learning (which at that stage was to be the most gracious in defeat :-))and what he was creating. I believe I started to learn this absolute gift by osmosis, by just watching him be. Over the years, I started to hear myself say, “Life is different when you stay in the love of it”. I often wondered where I got it from, then one day as I watched my husband roll in competition, where he looked totally, relaxed and enjoying the process, I suddenly realised that he was fighting with pure heart, just for the love of it, and it left no doubt where I had learnt this newly acquired skill from.