Fourth Form of Madness

I’m a people watcher, always have been. I loved observing people, people just being people, their actions, reactions and quiet moments. I remember in my final years of high school, when the guidance counsellor asked me what I wanted to do, I said if it was left up to me I would sit in a park, on a street, in a shopping centre, or where ever and watch people interact. He said there was no such job and recommended teaching! I do often wonder why he never mentioned being a sociologist or a philosopher but I guess I found that path myself. Anyway, the other day on the train I looked around, looking at the faces, the body postures, the tension each of us holds in the various parts of our body and man, we were not a happy crowd. Everyone looked exhausted (with good reason it was 6am), lifeless and like they had all just lost their iPhones.

Now I know life isn’t all about the good times and kicks and giggles but on that train that morning we all collectively seemed to be only connected to the never-ending struggle. To be honest, life is hard. Life is the abyss, the unknown, the uncontrollable, the never ending roller coaster that takes a lot of strength and courage to experience the ride. But what if life is not about the external but more the internal. What if a constant could be reached where no matter what happened externally you were able to maintain a constant state of being within. No not as a zombie but as a fully functioning, aware being that still sees the reactive states but actively choices not to partake in them. Full participation in life including exercising your choice to react or rather interact or dance with life in your selected manner. Take for example anger. Someone does something you don’t like, you feel a fire begin in your belly, a tightening of our throat and buzz in your head. Your thoughts start thinking of a million witty or cutting things to say that will engage you with this person (or with life) in a dance of anger. Usually these things spill out of our mouth, or through our actions and we feel vindicated or validated or whatever for whatever amount of time. Rewind back to the feelings that first started to arise, by becoming aware at this point of what you are creating, you can pause, examine the feelings and thoughts, pause some more, maybe do a little breathing, and see these arising feelings, thoughts, emotions as creations. Intangible creations. Not concrete, not absolutes but just creations. Then you have a choice. Act out your anger, or contemplate it, breath, work your way past it as you see it as a self made creation, and move on. There is nothing to resolve or control in the external world, only the internal and that’s a relief because trying to control the external world is as futile as trying to touch the sky.

Not always easy. One major road block stands in our way and it’s a big one! Ego. I’m not sure we all fully grasp what ego is. It’s such a misunderstood unseen yet always present significant part of you. Ego is kind of your friend and guide and kind of your Judas. One minute it will be saying “Yeah go this way, it’s the way to go if you want to be significant” and the next it kissing you on the cheek and revealing to you what an unauthentic being you have become by following the status quo. Tricky business, yet ego has usually stood up well before anger is felt in your stomach or your throat. It is the one leading your mind to the statements that will rip apart your opponent and it is ego who whispers seductively in your ear that you need to strive and compete with other beings. Yet by it’s very presence it is highlighting areas that you need to look at within yourself and thus is your guide.

Life is a process of learning this stuff and it’s continuousness. It’s a process I guess of becoming more conscious of your inner life and then letting the outer life flow. And it doesn’t matter if you don’t get it all the time. My journey involves many many missed opportunities to exercise my own advice. Just ask the lovely ladies I went to lunch with the other day. I was stressed at work and I proceeded to snipe and whinge and hold my angry space rather than choice not react to it and fully enjoy their company. As I said life is a process of learning. Being open to the learning is a start.