Fourth Form of Madness

I’m sitting here with my cat trying to write this piece but she is continuously rubbing her face up against the screen of my laptop that I have tentatively balanced on my lap. I don’t have the heart to end her enjoyment so I am tolerating her behaviour and patting her intermittentedly hoping that I can capture some of the joy she is obviously experiencing. I’m flat lining. It’s my own fault, I decided last night I was going to have a few G&Ts and anyone that has experienced one of my G&Ts, knows I am heavy handed with the gin. That and the fact that I don’t drink more than one drink at a time now has left me feeling revolting.

I dreamt of zombies last night (very symbolic to a philosophy enthausist). This is my second zombie dream in as many weeks. I’m sure its got deeper mythological and symbolic meanings (infact many but that is another blog I can bore you with), but sticking with the literal, I woke up this morning and felt like a zombie. And the fun didn’t stop there. Went to yoga and I felt like I had put on the wrong body for the day. Whose was this body? I had no energy. My body started shaking the first ten minutes of the class and the nice effortless practice that I have, dare I say it, become attached to said “see ya, have fun in the remaining 1hr and 20mins of agony”.

I was just about to do the same, to roll up my mat and grab my handbag and say “See ya, I’ll be back when it’s easier” but thought that possibly there was a lesson, or two to be learned here and that perhaps it was a good time to start learning. Firstly, where was my sense of responsibility? I knew I was going to yoga on Saturday morning, why did I suddenly get gripped with the urge for G&Ts on Friday night and give in to it? Further, after committing to the G&T path, where was my responsibility to my actions. I drank myself into this state, I should at least stick around and bear the consequences of my actions. Be there for the situations I created, even the crappy ones.

Secondly, by following this action path and it consequences, I feel confident that I can make an informed choice next time when the Friday night G&T crazies seize hold of me again. I can say to myself “Shall I have these delicious, mood altering, mind fogging and ultimately soul destroying drinks” (sounds attractive put like that doesn’t it) or shall I give myself the best shot at being the best I can be both on and off the yoga mat tomorrow? After today, I know which choice I will go for, and it doesn’t come with a slice of lemon or a swizzle stick!