Fourth Form of Madness

I’ve heard it said that the enjoyment of life is all about managing your expectations. That all experiences are pretexted by your hopes and desires and influence the actual perception of the experience. I like to think big in terms of where humanity is heading, I’m an idealist, the kind of person that after I deliver my thoughts on a subject I hear “uh huh, sounds great, and when you return to real world drop me a line”. I don’t mind, I love the way I see the world and how it could be if often we just shift our way of thinking or release our death grip on our opinions being universal truths. However, it is also a way of being that can leave you feeling crushed by disappointments of your hopes and dreams for yourself and humanity if you attach to the anticipated outcomes.

Then yesterday at yoga I found myself in a wonderful conversation with a interesting soul and devotee of yoga and heard myself say “Life and yoga are not about results or goals”. I have read something similar many times in countless yoga publications. I have heard many wonderful teachers say it, but this time it came from a place within me that knew it in every part of my DNA to be innately true. It’s not what you achieve in life that is important, but the way you live as a being, the decisions you make about living your life and how you treat other beings, the knowledge that you gain about yourself that is infinitely important, to your existence and to all beings collectively. This knowledge comes not from an intellectual knowing but from an existential knowing and it feels very authentic and something you can really base your approach to life on.

For the last year of my practice, I have felt competition drop away and instead a love and concern for my fellow beings has taken it place. A capacity to forgive has emerged which kind of took me by surprised because for so long I had cultivated bitterness and revenge against all who have wronged me, even for situations I had pretty much imagined. If someone had only just told me about the sweetness and freedom that forgiveness brings I wouldn’t have wasted so many years living in anger and closing my heart off from the world. They should teach this stuff in all of our schools forget algebra you’ll never use it, but forgiveness, now there is a tool for life! All of this came from practicing yoga, not focusing on the results, not caring if I achieve a pose or not but from showing up to practice and letting go. My husband has always had the saying “Life is 99 percentage about just showing up”…. I am starting to see what he means. I practice, I contemplate my existence and I listen to my body and my soul and they respond to the attention and show me the direction I need to grow in. They even invite my mind along for the trip but with some strict ground rules to ensure it doesn’t take over and run the show.

Everyday life is the best university you will ever find and the best thing is it is accessible to everyone. All you need to do is just show up and you start learning. The trick is to pack up or let go of your preconceived beliefs and opinions and anticipated outcomes and just breath in and breath out, totally open to and accepting the day and events as they unroll. This is the tricky part and let’s face it if it was easy we would all be enlightened being with no requirement for therapy or alcohol and/or chocolate. But I can say yoga is definitely a tool to help you to let go and just be. I don’t know how it works, I just know it works, so long as you practice and not just asana. Yoga is how you live your life on an everyday basis, it’s in every breath and decision you make. Practice, practice, practice and the rest kind of just comes in its own good time.