Fourth Form of Madness

I’m not in a mood to write today. I keep trying to write stuff and end up deleting it and starting off something else. Somethings a little out of balance in me. I’ve been studying for so long I think I got use to the routine and unscheduled time feels wasted. Hopefully I will rid myself of this soon. I even cleaned the car in an attempt to show some fruit for the day! The dog enjoyed coming through the car wash with me and watching all the foams and appliances hit the car.

In an effort to get myself to shake the “time must be scheduled” mindset, I did a new form of yoga today based on viniyoga, called emotional yoga by Bija Bennett. I found it very centering and within a minute or so I dissolved into the practice as there was a real focus on breath and regulating the times you held your breath after exhale. I found it very calming and am looking forward to exploring it more. After I finished my practice I devoured a jam, custard and cream donut and a coffee and it suddenly struck me what is out of balance in my life. My eating habits – I eat all that is possibly bad at the moment and not enough of the healthy and virtuous. So I am once again going to focus on healthy eating as I have let this part slip out of balance. I was wondering how that extra roll at the top of my yoga pants had got there!

Something else I have let slip out of balance is attachment. I realised there were several areas of my life that were causing me anxiety and stress but then I examined these areas (with the help of Bija Bennett’s book) I realised I was feeing this anxiety and stress as I have got attached to certain outcomes I want and was in the process of trying to control the situations. I’m going to say this in writing to myself but feel free to use it if it is applicable to yourself – “Control is an illusion you create to allow yourself to feel safer (or more powerful or more meaningful or more important – the list is endless) in the world but in the end it actually ends up crippling you. The flow of life is out of your control, choice is not. Choose to let go and explore the possibilities of your being without this element of control.”

I’m off to go walk my dog with my luscious husband down the most beautiful piece of coast. I know nature with her beautiful open, clear sky, her gentle kisses of the breeze, her warmth from the sun, the fluid sounds of her watery lullaby and the wet earth beneath my feet will harmonize all that is out of balance in me. All I have to do is be open and present…..oh and breath. Peace to you all!