Fourth Form of Madness

Today I finally did it, I started back at home practice. I’m apparently going through my tardy lethargic period. I didn’t realise this until I was well into it. I seem to have released my obsessional grip on every part of my life that I thrived on before. I guess I realised that things work out, for good or for bad and really it will have very little to do with your input. I like to think I move more with the flow and allow myself to be part of it rather than thrashing aimless against it like a salmon moving upstream.

This only dawned on me the other day when I realised that I wouldn’t have time to study for my next philosophy exam coming up. Now this might seem like nothing to anybody else but I have always believed my self worth revolved around my perfect academic record (ok maybe not perfect but definitely that of a high achiever). I have dropped out of courses before because I realised that I wouldn’t be able to keep up my high scores. Umm now that I have written that down and re-read it, that does even seem extreme for me but that was how my life was full of high expectations and avoiding any experience that I feared I could not fulfill my vision of perfectionism in. It was a narrow, bland existence and I appreciate that now. Not this time, I am looking forward to it. I can’t wait to get the chance to write “off the cuff” so to speak, not rehearsed or well versed but stripped bare and writing with what I have in the moment and being appreciative of just that.

So I spent a delicious hour or so working with my body and listening to its current state of affairs. A few things groaned, others right out complained. My right wrist was in no state to take my body weight, so I listened and stuck to non weight bearing moves and eagerly relaxed into legs up the wall in a state of absolute abandon. Bliss. Why had I ever stopped home practice? The usual suspects stepped up – too busy with the demands of everyday life, too many study or work commitments, have to walk the dog, want to watch tv, don’t want to get up early or stay up late….I could go on but I will spare you. I have been going to two or three yoga classes a week with a wonderful skillful therapeutic teacher but home practice is in a realm of itself and I find so integrally important to your understanding of yoga. You have to be your teacher in home practice. You have to know what your body needs on that day and accommodate your practice. You need to know when you need to work a little harder and when to back off. You must connect with every part of your body and your existence and make friends with that. It is truly a time of tune in, stayed focused, breath and learn. Life doesn’t get better than that!